Summaries (Kinda) of Every Movie I Watched This Weekend!

I know that I haven’t posted anything on here for a while, but I don’t think the four people who actually read this are complaining. There’s no excuses either, really, since we’ve been trapped in our condo for the last few days under three feet of snow. I had plenty of time to write, but an internal decision was made to instead watch movies non-stop like a slug. Luckily, that gives me something to write about and you something to read about.

Here’s a weak summary of every one of them! Actually most of them are two-sentence thoughts. There’s a lot. Please don’t judge me.

Godzilla Vs. Megalon (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

You wouldn’t think a giant monster like Godzilla would be able to throw a dropkick, but you’d be wrong. Another thing that is wrong is the shortness of the little boy’s pants. It’s disturbing.

The Brute Man (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

This one went from the educational short before the movie, The Chicken of Tomorrow, to a deformed former football star going on a murderous rampage breaking people’s backs. A++ would watch again. A few beers increased enjoyment.

Drunken Master

The best movie to ever feature Jackie Chan attempting to drown an old man in a giant jar full of water. I had another beer.

*-*BONUS NON-MOVIE HIGHLIGHT*-*

Caitlin and I tunneled through waist-deep snow from the backyard to the front yard to clear away some of the drifts that were 3/4 of the way up the door. It took 45 minutes and I spent a lot of the time laying in snowbanks trying not to throw up while Caitlin dug a path for us.

The Violent Years (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

I fell asleep less than a minute into this and woke up right at the last monologue narration. Didn’t even bother to open my eyes during it.

Final Justice (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

I put this on after waking up from my Violent Years-induced coma because I’ve seen it a lot and didn’t have the strength or willpower to think about anything. There’s a sketch where MST3K host Mike Nelson falls down 15 times in a row and it never fails to make me laugh and I think I need to get off this couch.

Operation Double 007 AKA Operation Kid Brother (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

You don’t need to tell me I watched too much MST this weekend. It’s become apparent. I’m confident defending myself in any argument on the subject, though. armed with the knowledge that this film featured a craggy nun shooting a knife-gun into a man’s chest. EPILOGUE: I never finished watching this movie

Cocoon

A fun little movie if you’re okay with hearing Wilford Brimley say “boner.”

A League of Their Own

During the twenty seconds it takes Tom Hanks to peg a chubby kid in the face with a catcher’s mitt and actively celebrate it by laughing, there is no pain and everything is beautiful.

We might watch Jaws and Rumble in the Bronx today to complete our quest for the laziest three day weekend possible. If we do, I might update this. You’ll want to be sure to stay tuned for those two sentences! Or not, I’d understand.